SEX
- All beds have a special L-shaped top sheet, which reaches up to armpit level on women but only to waist level on men.
- No-one ever needs a Kleenex after sex.
- If you’re a woman in a film and have just finished a steamy lovemaking session, make sure to lay back and pull the sheets up to your neck, just like in real life.
- All women moan during sex, but none sweat.
- Regardless of whatever the person was doing up to this point in the day, they are always ready for this most intimate of acts. They never have to go wash anything to prepare.
- Post sex modesty. Hey, thanks for fucking me like there was no tomorrow, now let me wrap this sheet around me like a burqa and go to the bathroom. Or we’ll just lay in bed with the L-shaped sheet mentioned above.
- Men retain their underpants in bed – and replace them after sex (usually whilst sitting on the side of the bed, and before standing up).
- Women (and men less often) either make love with their underclothes on or have put them back on in the immediate aftermath.
- After the fight, one of the people ends up going to the bar, getting drunk, flirting with some chick, cut to next morning, phone rings, it’s the significant other saying sorry, I love you. Person in bed looks over and oops, there’s someone in bed with them! OMG!
- Two total strangers, upon falling into bed together, will always reach an incredibly intense, mutual, and SIMULTANEOUS orgasm on the first try.
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