WOMEN
- Women will always have shaved legs and armpits, even in Elizabethan, Middle-Ages and Caveman movies.
- Women will be worrying about their nails or dresses while people are trying to kill them. (see also CHASES)
- Women stand wide-eyed, hand to mouth, while hero battles villain. Women never thinks to clonk villain with handy object. Counterpoint: If woman does clonk, she always hits hero instead.
- Women always fight other movie women by pulling hair, falling to ground together, rolling over twice.
- High-powered female executives always wear miniskirts and five-inch heels to work
- Beautiful women will always fawn over an action hero, no matter what sexist remarks he makes to them.
- A female lead with feminist leanings will always despise a macho hero-until the first time he rescues her from certain death. She will then become totally conventional and dependent. Once she does this, the hero will become vulnerable and tell her about some tragic loss that will explain his belligerent attitude.
- Women wear make-up to bed, and wake up with hair and face completely intact.
- Women don’t need to go to the bathroom when they get up but will shower frequently.
- If a woman is ever revealed/shown to be pregnant, she will deliver before the movie ends.
- Women also scream or make some other noise at the precise moment the villain is close enough to hear.
- Women always stand and watch the cars that are about to run them over, OR the bad-guys that are about to shoot them (even if there’s cover close by).
- Women always stuff their fist(s) in their mouths when terrified.
- Women always have to be rescued by the hero, no matter how capable they are themselves.
- Women always have to be taken hostage. To make matters worse, the female’s captivity is always announced at the same point: when our hero has the bad guy right where he wants him (with a gun to his head, hanging upside down outside a skyscraper, etc). Cue the phone call from the villain’s associates, the nervous hostage crying for help. What would have happened if the hero had just killed villain without giving him a chance to inform him of the kidnapping.
- Women are always too hysterical to do what the hero instructs. He has to help/force her/knock her out.
- Ex or estranged wives, if kidnapped or used by villains against hero, will fall back in love with hero ex.
- A woman can become an expert in nuclear fusion/bio-whatever, etc. by the age of 22. But only if she looks like a super model.
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